How to STOP loving someone?

[theColster123]

Well, there's a thread about How to say "I love you" (http://www.ps3trophies.co.uk/showthread.php?t=16471), so I thought I would ask the complete opposite.

I need to know how to STOP loving someone. Any tips will do.

I still wanna be this girls friend. But i've asked her how she feels about me, and lets just say, I have NO chance.

Please only reply to this thread if you are going to say something serious and helpful. Discussion is allowed, but any unhelpful or stupid replies will be removed.

Thank you. :)

[MXA1]

I would also be Greatfull for an answer to this, but it would seem you love someone for as lonG as you love them for :(

Only you can stop lovinG someone, and it's tooo hard :|
The thinG is she never says yes/no, it's like... she plays me for a fool and i'm stupid enouGh to play alonG :S :(

[RGL_UK]

Hey ... Well for me i delete their number off my phone, any pictures i might have of them (at least for awhile).
Then what i do is make a column on msn and place her in there along with a few people i rarely talk to and block her for awhile.
Once shes in that column i just leave it closed, dont open it to see if she is online or anything.
Plus another tip i find dont give yourself time to sit there and think about it, keep busy.
I know how hard it is mate and ill always be there to talk to you whenever (along with anyone else), its not a nice feeling to go though i know :(.

In the end, i know you hear it alot but it just takes time.
You may feel so upset now but give it a few days, weeks and your be ok again and can go out hunting again :D.
Anyway good luck mate :)




The thinG is she never says yes/no, it's like... she plays me for a fool and i'm stupid enouGh to play alonG :S :(

Omg im going though that right now aswell mate :(.

[James!]

same thing here col

all i can suggest is to take your mid off of her by doing things with other girls.. E.G activites

[iMarfy]

I must say that RGL_UK is a bit of a love doctor. ;)

Anyways, u got to remember UK, he still wants to be mates.

All I can say it the same as James, you and a friend, go to a nightclub or something, see if you can meet up with someother girls, get involved with some others to take your mind off it. :happy:

[TK]

I'm currently going through this at the moment, its by far the most painful thing i have ever felt, To stop loving her may be my only choice but the problem is i dont wanna cause she is a major part of me, she is the only girl i ever want to love, She is my first love and i want her to be last but i fear this may not be possible.

I'm now struggling with day to day life without her by my side, As soon as i start to think of her i burst into tears, i would stop playing my ps3 for 1 more chance thats how much i love her,

Any advice on what to do would be truly appreciated cause i dont think human body is ment to take this much pain

[RGL_UK]

I'm currently going through this at the moment, its by far the most painful thing i have ever felt, To stop loving her may be my only choice but the problem is i dont wanna cause she is a major part of me, she is the only girl i ever want to love, She is my first love and i want her to be last but i fear this may not be possible.

I'm now struggling with day to day life without her by my side, As soon as i start to think of her i burst into tears, i would stop playing my ps3 for 1 more chance thats how much i love her,

Any advice on what to do would be truly appreciated cause i dont think human body is ment to take this much pain

Mate i went though that 3 months ago.
I loved her so much, i had never felt that way about anyone else before.
We was perfect together.
I was i could give you something to make it all go away, but i cant infact 3 months down the line and im still in love with her.
I'd give anything to see her beautiful eyes or the way she smiled and to just feel her kiss :(!

It gets better so slowly, for like the 1st month i couldnt even bring myself to play PS3 because all it would do is spark up memories of playing with her :(!

I miss her :(

I WANT A HUG :(

[TK]

i honestly cant imagine doing anything without her or loving someone else

[AshleyAc]

I'm now struggling with day to day life without her by my side, As soon as i start to think of her i burst into tears


I don't know your exact situation, but i was in a similar situation. Me and my gf broke up, i was a mess tbh, i tried giving it some time but gave up and everyday i just kept reminding her what she meant to me and that id do anything to get her back eventually i got her back and we're still together now. Just let her know exactly how you feel, thats all you can do. Good luck mate.

[WeLsh_bEn]

I love someone and i think they like me but i dont see her much and its hard, i just get all tearful and cry because i dont see her ..

Only like once a week, posting here ocuppies me thats why im a forun nerd

[germ1984]

Your first love is always the hardest to get over if it doesn't work out. The only thing you can reasonably do is grit your teeth and get on with life.

I know this sounds like a throw away comment but I've gone through it as well. The worst thing you can possibly do is to try and hang on to something that isn't gonna happen. I don't know everyone's personal situation, but in my experience relationships are very much a two way thing. If you don't both feel the same way about each other then the chances are it wasn't meant to be.

I feel for you guys. I know it's like someone's just kicked you in the gut, but give it time, keep your chin up and keep busy. ;)

[TK]

Mate i went though that 3 months ago.
I loved her so much, i had never felt that way about anyone else before.
We was perfect together.
I was i could give you something to make it all go away, but i cant infact 3 months down the line and im still in love with her.
I'd give anything to see her beautiful eyes or the way she smiled and to just feel her kiss :(!

It gets better so slowly, for like the 1st month i couldnt even bring myself to play PS3 because all it would do is spark up memories of playing with her :(!

I miss her :(

I WANT A HUG :(

Thats exactly how i feel, all i want i want is to cuddle her and chill, i struggleing to sleep cause i'm not doing anything to occupy my mind so i start thinking about the great times and i start crying, the pain of not having her by my side is unbelievable and i wonder how much pain and hurt the body and mind can take before i lose it,
i'm not gonna self harm or any crazy shit like that cause thats to far, i'm only 21 and theirs other girls out their but the problem is i cant see any other girl even comparing, i really hope i can change her mind cause in my head and my heart she is the only one

[theColster123]

Anyway, thanks for everyone's help on my question. I will take it all into account. Any other help, however, is still appreciated. Thank you.

[Noscaasi]

Anyway, thanks for everyone's help on my question. I will take it all into account. Any other help, however, is still appreciated. Thank you.

Hey, sorry man guess i got abit carried away. Guess im trying to say it WILL get better, it just takes time but once you love someone they will always be a part of you and you them. Loves a funny thing and it affects different people in different ways but you seem like a really nice guy thats everyone gets on with and I know there will be others :)

[ZeGerman]

ok to those who cant get an answer yes or no, lets look at the main tendencies of females: 1.) they LOVE attention.....this basically means that they will do anything, or make you think anything that will make you show affection their way, whether they plan on doing anything with it or not 2.) no matter how beautiful you believe them to be or how amazing, 99% OF FEMALES HAVE A LOW SELF ESTEEM....many of them also make themselves feel better by seeing how many guys they can make fall for them (yes, cruel, but also the truth) 3.) GIRLS DONT WANT A SURE THING...sure all girls say they want commitment and honesty....but the truth of the matter is that they love excitement, and all want what they cant have.....my advice to you is to ignore the girl for a while and if they truly like you they will come to you...act like you dont need/want them (even if this is untrue) and you will see that all of a sudden they want to hang out and do things together.

to colster: you will get a PM later

[fallenangel]

""ok to those who cant get an answer yes or no, lets look at the main tendencies of females: 1.) they LOVE attention.....this basically means that they will do anything, or make you think anything that will make you show affection their way, whether they plan on doing anything with it or not 2.) no matter how beautiful you believe them to be or how amazing, 99% OF FEMALES HAVE A LOW SELF ESTEEM....many of them also make themselves feel better by seeing how many guys they can make fall for them (yes, cruel, but also the truth) 3.) GIRLS DONT WANT A SURE THING...sure all girls say they want commitment and honesty....but the truth of the matter is that they love excitement, and all want what they cant have.....my advice to you is to ignore the girl for a while and if they truly like you they will come to you...act like you dont need/want them (even if this is untrue) and you will see that all of a sudden they want to hang out and do things together.""

Actually i think you will find that we dont all love attention or crave it, that my friends is the attention seekers they are both male and female!

two, yeah we have low self esteem as you men see us as sexobjects, you like to watch people such as katie price etc, we are nothing like them and dont feel as good so you make us feel inadequate, how are we suposed to feel whn we are compared to the likes of her, angelina jolie etc we however DO NOT see how many guys we can make fall for us thanks, that my friend is shallow, only some one who would suggest that would do that.

and three, yeah excitment is nice and you can have that in a committed relationship, by doing new things together, going to new places together, you'll find also if i nock a male back he will wanna hang out etcso it works both ways matey, and i also know that you must be very shallow to say all of that.

TK i do not thank you for making this public knowledge, if you really love me you will let me go, you have to, i care about you alot and this is why you have to let me go before i hate you. Because i want to remmeber the good times the laughter the tears the shouting, i want to have no regrets about anything i want to walk away from this whilst i still cn, we've been her before and it will happen again, and you shouldnt have to change for anyone espesically your true love. and i am greatful you are willing to change for me its amazing you would but the truth of the fact is be yourself the right girl is out there somewhere she's not me im sorry.

[impjim]

Okay, not sure which of the two threads to post this in but i figured that its probably tis one that it belongs in. If you have read the other thread "how to say i love you" then you know my situation. if you havent then there is a link in the first post of this thread ;).

if you havent read it then u might wanna go read it now.

I take it you've all read it now...

so today i sat down with one of this girls friends (who happens to be decent friends with me) and pretty much told her everything and spilt out everything about this girl. i told her that i knew i couldnt tell her because of the other guy and she understood that. in fact she was great she let me talk and didnt stop me or anything and im really grateful for her being there for me. I asked her if she liked me (kinda expecting the answer to me no) and she said that at sleepovers when i came up in conversation she would just say that we are friends.

i guess i knew it was coming really but ... it feels a lot worse than i thought it would. i really loved this girland now that i know i wont even get a chance its made it even worse. after i found this out i said to the girl i was talking to that she can tell whoever she wants about it but she said that she wouldn't tell anyone.

so now i have to get over her. i got one bit of advice already today, i told one of my best friends (knows that i liked her) about it and he said to me "you need to stay outta the game for a while mate and the only way to do that is to take yourself out of it".

guess its not that bad and am glad i've got it off my chest, still a bit teary eyed right now so please dont heckle me.

[RGL_UK]

Actually i think you will find that we dont all love attention or crave it, that my friends is the attention seekers they are both male and female!

two, yeah we have low self esteem as you men see us as sexobjects, you like to watch people such as katie price etc, we are nothing like them and dont feel as good so you make us feel inadequate, how are we suposed to feel whn we are compared to the likes of her, angelina jolie etc we however DO NOT see how many guys we can make fall for us thanks, that my friend is shallow, only some one who would suggest that would do that.

and three, yeah excitment is nice and you can have that in a committed relationship, by doing new things together, going to new places together, you'll find also if i nock a male back he will wanna hang out etcso it works both ways matey, and i also know that you must be very shallow to say all of that.

I know im not a girl and that you said it works both ways, but some boys (me inculded) feel like that to.

I Suppose its just a matter of keep looking for the right one and hopefully one day your find her :).


ok to those who cant get an answer yes or no, lets look at the main tendencies of females: 1.) they LOVE attention.....this basically means that they will do anything, or make you think anything that will make you show affection their way, whether they plan on doing anything with it or not 2.) no matter how beautiful you believe them to be or how amazing, 99% OF FEMALES HAVE A LOW SELF ESTEEM....many of them also make themselves feel better by seeing how many guys they can make fall for them (yes, cruel, but also the truth) 3.) GIRLS DONT WANT A SURE THING...sure all girls say they want commitment and honesty....but the truth of the matter is that they love excitement, and all want what they cant have.....my advice to you is to ignore the girl for a while and if they truly like you they will come to you...act like you dont need/want them (even if this is untrue) and you will see that all of a sudden they want to hang out and do things together.

to colster: you will get a PM later


I dont agree at all with this, you are making a generalisation of all girls, granted some are like that but not all.

[Malik]

i loved (and i think i still do) this girl, and we had been flirting a while so i asked her.. she said something like this " oh i´m very sorry jonathan i like you but i´m in love with an other guy" my heart broke that evening... my feeling for her had become so strong!! since that day i have tried only to be her friend, it helps... if she asking you about anything, give her a quick answer and smile then go away... don´t have long conversations with her and try not to talk with her too often... i hope this help

[Haza103]

This forum needs a romance and dating section....

On the serious side, same as everyone else, i know how you feel. It may not seem like it, but just ride through it. You'll find someone else if she's not interested. It may take weeks, maybe even longer but who knows who's out there!

[Scowie]

There are plenty of more fish in the sea.

Thats my motto. ;)

[ZeGerman]

i suppose i should have stated that yes it is a generalization, and also it relates to the age group i am most familiar with, being college age girls (18-22) in America being thats what i know, and no, I'm anything but shallow. I do think there are much more important things to look for in a relationship than looks (though some physical attraction is necessary), but then again, I'm not gonna sit here and say that sexual chemistry isn't very important. In fact it can save relationships. Also, sure, some of what I said relates to men as well, but the question was directed towards women, therefore i felt no need to talk about men. Whatever, you can take what I said as shallow or not, fact of the matter is when starting a relationship a lot of it isn't security and how nice of a person is, that comes later on once the relationship is already in effect (again not true for ALL girls, just most). This has just been my experience.

And to FA: None of us know you in real life, and TK has done nothing but say things that are in a good light about you, from what I've read he hasn't said one bad thing about you, the worst I've heard is that he's upset it's over. So don't hate on him for that!

[RGL_UK]

And to FA: None of us know you in real life, and TK has done nothing but say things that are in a good light about you, from what I've read he hasn't said one bad thing about you, the worst I've heard is that he's upset it's over. So don't hate on him for that!

Sorry Zegerman it seems like i keep having a pop at you i dont mean to ... but i dont think thats a comment that should be made.
None of us know the reasoning behind this, so we cant comment.
Well to be honest we shouldnt comment, this has nothing to do with any of us except FA and TK.
So comments reguarding this aint really necessary, yea ok some of you might be either FA / TK's mates but at the end of the day it still fall's back to them.

I would like to say one thing though, (sorry TK + Zegerman).
Zegerman you say "dont hate on him for that", her comment shows no hate towards him.
If this is what she needs to do, then you shouldnt be sat here telling her not to "hate".
From the sounds of it, it's hurting her aswell.

Anyway i know im not a Mod or anything but still no more referring to this matter, it aint anything to do with us or the thread topic :).
Thanks.

[Nirvlime]

Geeze, looks like everyone's spilling their guts around here. If you're having so many problems with women the first thing you should do is stop spending so much time around here! Kidding really, but you know.

The first love is always tough to get over. Painful as hell, but all in all it's a big growing experience for you. But later you'll be able to look back on it. It'll make later relationships easier for you. Luckily, I got my heart crushed a young age (about 14-15) so it has been smooth sailing for a while now.

Okay, if you still want to be friends with her don't delete her number. How can you be friends if there's no contact? Don't delete pictures. That's not a good idea. You might wanna look back on them later. Relationship memories should be good ones. It is true that the easiest way to stop loving someone is to start hating them. But it is also stupid. You'll just be hating someone for no reason. So keep the memories.

So if you're going to be friends you have to be exactly that: friends. Don't be whiney or clingy cause yall aren't "together". A clingy/crying man is a big turn off. Would you want to hang out with someone who was always trying to make you feel bad for themselves? It's annoying and unattractive. If you can't hang out with her without getting all sappy you just need to tell her, "Hey. I still want to be friends but at the moment it's not working for me. I don't want to be a buzz kill and that's how I feel right now. I'm still hurting a bit but I don't want that to effect anything; I want this to be on a good note. Just give me some time to get back on my feet."

Don't constantly call her or try to act like yall are still together. Take it as it comes. Just keep trying to have fun as friends and if yall can do that - HEY - she might come back around to ya. If not, then you'll just have to move on. It's not easy, but that's just how it is. It's a two way thing. If she's made up her mind she doesn't want you then she just doesn't want you. You really can't change that.

Time is the only thing that will work for you. Nothing can make it magically disappear. Do things you enjoy. Listen to music you like before you go to bed. Try new things. Try to meet new girls. Really, meeting new girls is probably the best short term pain reliever there is. I know you aren't interested in other women right now but it doesn't have to be sexual in the least bit. Just hang out. I've made great friends in between girlfriends. Actually, the girl I am going to marry I met while I was hurt by someone else and she didn't even know. Hell, marriage didn't even come up until a few years after we had spoken. Your mind gets euphoric in the presence of other women with good conversation. It's hard to get that out of someone you've recently broken up with because yall already know everything about each other. There's nothing really to say to spark any kind of super fun new conversation. You hang out a bit and get some other experiences without her and then y'all can chat again and see what happens.

Basically:

-Don't trash the shit y'all have together. But also don't look and reminisce about it every 30 seconds and get yourself all worked up. Save it for special moments.
-If you still want to hang out keep hanging out. Just don't bring attention to the fact yall aren't together. It makes everyone uncomfortable. If you can't do that - wait a bit.
- Keep busy. Listen to music at night. Whether it's cheery to make you forget about it or something you can relate to so you won't feel alone. It's soothing either way.
-Hang out with other people. Male or Female. Good conversations make you feel better. It helps though when it's a female.

Also, when you meet your next woman - which you will - don't make the mistake of falling in love with her real quick. Girls - as well as guys - can get bored fast when everything is just handed to them. This doesn't mean be an asshole. Just don't let her know you're willing to walk on nails for her right away. Keep it mysterious. Treat her nice but don't over do it. It'll keep her going, "What'll he do next?"

You will get over it. Don't focus on feeling sorry for yourself. It's not your fault. And it's not hers either. It's just life. Good luck

[Chrisbes32]

Time for my little story, i was with this girl for around two years (this was about 1 1/2 years ago) and without going into details we broke up and i was absolutely devastated. i hardly heard from her for ages and was still absolutely gutted that due to my stupidity i lost one of the best things in my life until i got a text on the way to work one day asking if i was the dad, to which i was very confused about until i realised she had had a kid. I was devasted that she hadnt told me and though i figured it was mathematicly pretty impossible she cheated on me, she had been at with some one else just after we broke up. I didnt want to ask her wether she cheated or not because that could make it just worse for me. Anyway after i found that out id lost pretty much all feelings for her anyway. Suppose that didnt realy answer your question just explained my situation. (as i was just typing this i saw an advert on para comedy2 for lacoste touch of pink, the last thing i bought her :S weird as hey!) My advice would be though to as you said try and stay as friends.

[Baritonic21]

after my recent experience (since we're doin' group therapy i'll share, a little) I feel love is inadequate. Its simply a word defined as "who's flaws i can accept". As with all rules there is an exception, an exception to the rule i call it. Everyone has thier own set of rules whether is a certain race, eye color, min/max height, sense of humor etc...Well I met someone for who the rules didn't apply, hell i didn't care really. i felt she was that amazin. Amazin' enough for me to want to grab both ends of the world and wrap them around her waist. seriously. but alas i was the fool...at least played out to be one...She did/said enough to keep me around, come to find out i was the lap dog or rather seat filer til' the next dude came along. A dude who didn't apply to her rules accordin to her standars or quota i didn't meet,lol. I'm 'bout 5' 11"-6ft yet she was an inch taller and kept sayin' if only i was taller (yea she was serious apparently) and new guy is 5ft 6inches WTF...& she never told me as i was strung along. I found out from another source. Can u believe she wants me to be her friend so we can cuddle up and she vent to me bout' her dude and mother and to watch movies... :huh:

[PandaPanic!]

I have been through this as well myself a while back and it was one of the hardest things i have had to deal with and i think the same applies to everyone else who has had their heart broken by the one they love. Anyway as for getting over them i guess everyone has their own ways of handling these types of things and my advice probably won't help everyone but maybe some people will be able to make good use of it.


Stop Contact

I think this is the number 1 rule for when you have just broken up with someone you really liked. You are never going to get over them if you are still speaking to them or communicating to them in some way or form and you won't forget about them. I would delete them off your phone, block them on Instant Messengers and do whatever you can to make sure you have no communication with them. This also applies to thinking about them all the time because it has just the same effect as communicating with them and it defeats the objective you was trying to achieve to begin with.


Have Fun

The last thing you want to be doing is sitting inside the house just thinking about her and how you could be snuggling up with her right now, Go out with mates and have a good laugh ... you will feel a lot better because thinking about her will only make you upset especially if you are thinking about who else she might go with etc ... it is all unneeded hurt so don't go down that route.


No Second Chances

Like most people i was stupid enough to think i would have a second chance at wooing her back ... obviously it failed and i just made myself look like a big idiot which don't really help much. I don't think many people get second chances after messing up with someone ... if they do then they are really lucky so don't think you will be able to do the same ... sadly the world don't work like that.


Talk to Someone

It helps a lot to talk to someone about the situation ... i know i said not to think about it ... but you need to get things off your chest and this is the best way too do it. I talked with a lot of people about the feelings i had such as really close friends and also people over MSN who i knew pretty well, they all gave me good advice and it sort of made me feel a bit better.


Seek Professional Advice

My situation was really bad ... most likely because i am a sensitive person and i was pretty much a wreck ... anyway i recommend seeking professional advice about this because these people know what they are doing and they really do help in the long run ... I saw a councillor for about half a year at school ... most schools have one and you can easily ask to see one and they would arrange it for you. I must admit the first few times i talked about her to the councillor i felt worse than what i did when i first went there but a few weeks later i was starting to feel a lot better because i was getting stuff off my chest also they won't say anything to anyone else. Even though i am over the girl now i still see the councillor because she helps me with other stuff like pressure of school work ... they are really useful :)

I guess these are the main points for getting over a girl although there are a lot more ... i guess it depends how complicated things get ... my situation was bad as i saw her everyday of the week and couldn't really avoid this and also seeing her with other guys i obviously felt like walking up to him and ripping his throat out ... it is just one of them things and you can get over it, the day will come where you see her with a guy and you will just not give a s**t about it and carry on like you normally would, that is when you know you are finally over them :) It took me almost 8 months to get over the girl i liked ... these things take time and are not the sort of things which can be rushed but it is possible :D

[CraigyBL2]

I have been through this as well myself a while back and it was one of the hardest things i have had to deal with and i think the same applies to everyone else who has had their heart broken by the one they love. Anyway as for getting over them i guess everyone has their own ways of handling these types of things and my advice probably won't help everyone but maybe some people will be able to make good use of it.


Stop Contact

I think this is the number 1 rule for when you have just broken up with someone you really liked. You are never going to get over them if you are still speaking to them or communicating to them in some way or form and you won't forget about them. I would delete them off your phone, block them on Instant Messengers and do whatever you can to make sure you have no communication with them. This also applies to thinking about them all the time because it has just the same effect as communicating with them and it defeats the objective you was trying to achieve to begin with.


Have Fun

The last thing you want to be doing is sitting inside the house just thinking about her and how you could be snuggling up with her right now, Go out with mates and have a good laugh ... you will feel a lot better because thinking about her will only make you upset especially if you are thinking about who else she might go with etc ... it is all unneeded hurt so don't go down that route.


No Second Chances

Like most people i was stupid enough to think i would have a second chance at wooing her back ... obviously it failed and i just made myself look like a big idiot which don't really help much. I don't think many people get second chances after messing up with someone ... if they do then they are really lucky so don't think you will be able to do the same ... sadly the world don't work like that.


Talk to Someone

It helps a lot to talk to someone about the situation ... i know i said not to think about it ... but you need to get things off your chest and this is the best way too do it. I talked with a lot of people about the feelings i had such as really close friends and also people over MSN who i knew pretty well, they all gave me good advice and it sort of made me feel a bit better.


Seek Professional Advice

My situation was really bad ... most likely because i am a sensitive person and i was pretty much a wreck ... anyway i recommend seeking professional advice about this because these people know what they are doing and they really do help in the long run ... I saw a councillor for about half a year at school ... most schools have one and you can easily ask to see one and they would arrange it for you. I must admit the first few times i talked about her to the councillor i felt worse than what i did when i first went there but a few weeks later i was starting to feel a lot better because i was getting stuff off my chest also they won't say anything to anyone else. Even though i am over the girl now i still see the councillor because she helps me with other stuff like pressure of school work ... they are really useful :)

I guess these are the main points for getting over a girl although there are a lot more ... i guess it depends how complicated things get ... my situation was bad as i saw her everyday of the week and couldn't really avoid this and also seeing her with other guys i obviously felt like walking up to him and ripping his throat out ... it is just one of them things and you can get over it, the day will come where you see her with a guy and you will just not give a s**t about it and carry on like you normally would, that is when you know you are finally over them :) It took me almost 8 months to get over the girl i liked ... these things take time and are not the sort of things which can be rushed but it is possible :D


Couldn't possibly agree with your first statement anymore then i already do. After a lot of advice from friends i deleted all contact with the girl i liked and i took it pretty bad at first, as time has worn on it has got a lot better. Well put LTP.

[Nirvlime]

I still think stopping all contact is the most childish thing you can do. Unless the relationship ended horribly of course. But if it ended on a good note you've got to man up and face it. You can't hide from your problems.

[PandaPanic!]

I still think stopping all contact is the most childish thing you can do. Unless the relationship ended horribly of course. But if it ended on a good note you've got to man up and face it. You can't hide from your problems.

I don't think it is childish ... if you keep talking to them when it has ended it will make it a lot more harder to get over them because you will still think you have feelings for the person ... and then your back at step one again worse off than when you begun. I understand what you are saying that you should just not turn your back on them but at the beginning i think that is a vital step to getting over them mainly not only to show yourself but also the person that this is the end and that it is over.

The last thing you need is the person you like giving you hints or playing with your mind to make you think that there is a chance she still likes you or does like you only for her to change her mind at the last minute and decide it is something that she don't want (Also happened to me).

Although i still talk to the person now, i will say hi to her if i see her or if she communicated with me but apart from that i don't really treat her any differently than i would any other friend even with the past on goings but some people just wouldn't be able to manage like that.

[Nirvlime]

I don't think it is childish ... if you keep talking to them when it has ended it will make it a lot more harder to get over them because you will still think you have feelings for the person ... and then your back at step one again worse off than when you begun. I understand what you are saying that you should just not turn your back on them but at the beginning i think that is a vital step to getting over them mainly not only to show yourself but also the person that this is the end and that it is over.

The last thing you need is the person you like giving you hints or playing with your mind to make you think that there is a chance she still likes you or does like you only for her to change her mind at the last minute and decide it is something that she don't want (Also happened to me).

Although i still talk to the person now, i will say hi to her if i see her or if she communicated with me but apart from that i don't really treat her any differently than i would any other friend even with the past on goings but some people just wouldn't be able to manage like that.

Exactly. The hard thing and the right thing are usually one in the same.

Deleting numbers and trashing photos of the one you gave a piece of your heart to makes the whole thing seem like it was a big waste of time. And if you truly loved her you'd realize how stupid it was for you to do those things after the initial pain is over.

If you break up and say, "I still wanna be friends." Yet, you completely ignore her all you've done is sealed the deal. It lets her go, "Well, once again he's not a man of his word." If it hurts you too bad to hang out with her right away, that's fine. Just be honest and say, "Hey, I know I said I still wanted to be friends. And I do. It's just kind of hard for me at the moment. Give me a bit to get back on my feet."

I'm not saying it's easy to still be friends, but not many males can do that. It separates the men from boys. It'll make her go "Wow, ___ truly is a good guy." Of course it doesn't mean she'll come back to you but at least she'll respect you instead of pity you. It'll also leave you wide open for referrals if another girl asks about you.

If the relationship ends poorly then that's a different story all together. Do whatever you feel. But if you truly care for this girl, and you said you'll still be there in some form after you break up. Don't try to delete her from your life.

[MXA1]

Exactly. The hard thing and the right thing are usually one in the same.

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. (8)

'tis true. :(


Deleting numbers and trashing photos of the one you gave a piece of your heart to makes the whole thing seem like it was a big waste of time. And if you truly loved her you'd realize how stupid it was for you to do those things after the initial pain is over.

If you break up and say, "I still wanna be friends." Yet, you completely ignore her all you've done is sealed the deal. It lets her go, "Well, once again he's not a man of his word." If it hurts you too bad to hang out with her right away, that's fine. Just be honest and say, "Hey, I know I said I still wanted to be friends. And I do. It's just kind of hard for me at the moment. Give me a bit to get back on my feet."

'tis also true.
There's this girl who i try so hard to still be friends with, but every time i see her in school with other guys i can't help myself just walk off and not talk to her 'caz it's too hard. :|

[TK]

i sort of agree with some of things LTP and nirv have said,

I'm currently going through This but letting go is hard, im sorta in two minds, Letting her go and forever kicking myself for what could have been my future, Or staying friends, Theirs only a few problems i can see with staying friends, if she got another BF it would most definetly destroy my heart and make me feel so bad i cant describe. And the fact of being with her but not being able to cuddle or hold hands would probably make me feel worse aswell,

[Oyarsa]

You can't just get up and stop loving anyone, so the question of the thread is rather inappropriate. Not to mention, losing feelings for someone often never results in any gain, but more distaste and other nasty consequences. The question you want to ask is "how do I move on?"

I myself have been through all of this, in a highly serious sense. I was to get married, have children, everything. Things didn't work out the way they should've, and I was left with nothing but the things I gained in life myself. This is not to share a soppy story - this is to show some form of credentials, I suppose.

Being without the person you love all of a sudden is very difficult, and it's simply a stage you go through that is fixed only by time paired with your own effort. Some might take nothing but a week to get over, some might take years. It differs every single time, simply due to the fact that your sadness depresses you, rendering you unable to see the bright side of the situation. This doesn't mean that it's absent all-together - you're just not in a position right now to welcome it. This is where time comes in.

However, after a while of living regularly, you realize that even though the person in question was very special to you, life goes on and there's a billion other people out there. It sounds cliche, but there are indeed more fish in the sea. Your partner-preference is clouded right now, merely because, due to the fact that you just lost a very special person, you think that she is everything you want all in one perfect package. This is an illusion that goes away over time caused by simply "missing" someone. You'll meet more people, grow older, advance in life, etc, and your preferences will slowly go back to default, causing the next person that you fall in love with to meet any criteria you will have at that current moment in time.

The best thing during the entire healing process is talk to friends, succeed in life and show yourself and the world that you are just as valuable alone as you are with someone else. It's mostly about self-respect, self-worth and self-awareness, so gaining all these is going to help anyone out greatly. Find a better job, take on more hobbies, etc. Breaking up with someone means that a stage of your life just came to an end, but it also means that an entire world just opened up for you rich of opportunity, chance and possibility. It's not the end - it's the beginning of something better.

Most of you all are still young, and will move on with life and gain treasures you once thought impossible to appear outside of fiction as the years pass. Enjoy your youth, grasp opportunity and see these situations as starting signals to advance in life. This time, with more experience, wisdom and knowledge. Before you know it, you'll meet that other girl that will spark every plug in your engine, and you'll wonder why you were once depressed to begin with.

Life isn't over. It has only just begun, and it's going to get a lot wilder. All part of the exciting package. :]

[Nirvlime]

There's this girl who i try so hard to still be friends with, but every time i see her in school with other guys i can't help myself just walk off and not talk to her 'caz it's too hard. :|
Yeah, that's the most painful process. Realizing she's available again and having to deal with it. I don't think it'll be something you'll ever truly go over. It'll fade a good bit though with time.


I'm currently going through This but letting go is hard, im sorta in two minds, Letting her go and forever kicking myself for what could have been my future, Or staying friends, Theirs only a few problems i can see with staying friends, if she got another BF it would most definetly destroy my heart and make me feel so bad i cant describe. And the fact of being with her but not being able to cuddle or hold hands would probably make me feel worse aswell,
Realizing she can talk to guys and you have no real say in it is just down right frustrating. And in my experience it has never fully gone away. You could find another woman who'll make you completely forget her but as soon as you see her with another guy you'll starting judging. Of course it's much much more mild than the jealousy before - but it's still there.

Considering you seem to have been very close to this chick I think you should still try to be friends with her. Just keep your head up about it. If she finds someone else and it's too much for her just let her know. I mean, don't be winey about it - just let her know that you're getting ridiculously jealous over this dude and you don't want to make an ass of yourself or cause any problems so don't be offended if you're not around when he is.


You can't just get up and stop loving anyone, so the question of the thread is rather inappropriate. Not to mention, losing feelings for someone often never results in any gain, but more distaste and other nasty consequences. The question you want to ask is "how do I move on?"

You know, I haven't exactly pinpointed it... but I sort of hate it when you speak. I mean, I fully appreciate your correct grammar and well thought out ideas...

I think it's cause you can't ever just say when you need to say. There's always some kind of 'correction'. Sometimes it's needed and that's fine. Other times it's over trivial stuff and it irks the hell out of me. It gives off a slight hint of douche. Like, for instance - I'm pretty sure the majority of us already know that you can't just "get up and stop loving anyone." We just went with it not feeling it was necessary to correct him on it. Well, to the point of saying the question was inappropriate anyways.

Nevertheless, I did agree with most of what you said. When you're young (although I'm still young) and you get your 'heart broken' it's very painful. Eventually, you'll find someone else and almost laugh it off. You feel as if you were so childish for being down about it. It's like, "Did a really love her? Or was I just EXTREMELY in lust with her?" Some people come to realize they were more heartbroken by the fact they were alone than by the fact that she's not with them.

Oh, and please do not take what I said too strongly to heart. I suppose hate was a bit of a strong word to use. For the most part what you have to say is perfectly fine. I'd just seen a few things and it built up a bit. I'm sure I'm the only one who feels as such. I do not dislike you in the least. I just think it's a tad much. It's great to be intelligent but for the most part no one really gives a damn. :]

[Oyarsa]

Que?

It's a common opener... :/ Take the title and dissect it. I'm sorry that my text-book approach tonight bothers you so much, though perhaps you can see the primary paragraph's relevance to the rest of the post..

[Nirvlime]

Yes, yes. I just think such analysis is unnecessary. I'm all for grammar but I think there's a line when it's too much. I feel it's a bit pretentious is all.

You know what, this is just going to get way too off topic. If you still feel you need to say something feel free to PM me. I really should have done that in the first place instead of just blasting you out in public. I apologize for that.

[JAKE911]

My situation is nowhere near the same.
I like this girl. A lot. But I dunno if "love" is the right term 'cuz it's a pretty strong term, y'know. I heard from 2 people (friends of hers) that she likes me a lot too.
I dunno what to do and I can't ask her out or anything 'cuz I live too far away.
She knows I like her but not as much as I do.
HELP!

[Oyarsa]

My situation is nowhere near the same.
I like this girl. A lot. But I dunno if "love" is the right term 'cuz it's a pretty strong term, y'know. I heard from 2 people (friends of hers) that she likes me a lot too.
I dunno what to do and I can't ask her out or anything 'cuz I live too far away.
She knows I like her but not as much as I do.
HELP!
You can 'love' someone at any age, though it's highly implausible you do at a very young one. Not impossible though. However, if you haven't truly been in a deep relationship with the person for a long time, and been through tons of situations together, then most likely your feelings haven't developed to that stage yet.

The heart knows no distance, so I'd say you just blurt it out and come clean with it. No girl I know likes it when you refuse to say your feelings though they're as clear as glass - it tires them and they think you're immature (for some reason.. this one could be different). Just flat out tell her how you feel, that you're interested in her and that you'd consider it a waste of good opportunity if you passed on her. She might just be impressed by your ability to grab life by the balls and make it your bitch.

Then again, she might not. You know her best, so think twice before you make a move. Just remember that things often don't happen by themselves. You just have to find the right time to push it into the right direction.

@Nirvlime; I was simply saying the statement "stop loving someone" shouldn't be what you're after, because forcing yourself to stop loving someone isn't going to make things easier in the end. What's pretentious about that, I don't know, but again I apologize for your inconvenience. I wasn't aware that there's a limit on what advice to give.

[TK]

@ jake: be confident about urself, confidence is a great asset to have, but dont be really over-confident as she could see as cockyness.

[JAKE911]

I am confident. Confident. She's called us friends and stuff. But yeah I am confident.
Oyarsa: Only known her for like 2-n-a-half years;)

[Oyarsa]

She might say that simply because she's not as confident as you. :P She might be going through the exact same thing you're going through.

[JAKE911]

Y'think? I really dunno. Was sitting next to her but moving places in school tomorrow:( Ah well:P

[Oyarsa]

Just make sure you don't leave with regrets of never trying - that will eat on you far longer than any other consequence.

It'd help if we knew what the hell goes on inside the female mind. But we probably figured out every mystery of the universe 50 years prior to gaining that wisdom..

[JAKE911]

It'd help if I knew half the stuff in my mind.
Had feckin' mood swings today:( 1 minute I was p*ssed off and the next I was fine. That happened for like an hour till I got a pounding headache and missed Rugby:(:(
And we are friends. I spose. And I will have regrets if I don't try, which is why I will;)

[ALEEM_B11]

good on ya jake
trust me always go for it, if you don't you'll always wonder what could have happened

[ugabugaz]

How to stop loving someone? Find someone better. Also go out with friends as well as entertain yourself with activities you DID NOT do with that person.

[Hazel1558]

Hmmm sorry all but its the old saying (and I know its a Cliché) but it does actually work and probably what everyone doesn't like hearing or being told. I know this from experience lol.

Time is a great healer and believe me its always hard but I know this is true and does work but in order to do that you need to draw a line under the matter. She has told you how she feels and obviously its not what you want to hear but at least you know the answer so it is easier to move on. If you can't still hold a friendship with her because of your feelings then as much as its hard to do you may need to cut all contact or just take a break from seeing her until you heal. Confidence is a big factor here as well and it doesnt help if you get knocked back so do things that will take your mind of it. Start a new hobby, hang with friends, arrange some places to go cinema etc with friends or sibblings basically anything that will keep you preoccupied.

In the circumstance that she is playing you and you feel like she is playing you for a fool then the best thing to do is cease all contact with her don't see her, phone her or speak to her via internet. Don't throw any pics away, at the end of the day they are memories and always good to look back at further down the road. The reason for this, its always a good confidence booster, its a good thing to look at and remember how you felt back then to how you feel when you get over them. Your strong and will get through it just takes time.

Good thing is to always chat to someone about how you feel. I know you guys don't really open up to people (ego thing lol) but it really does help. I'm an agony aunt for most of my male friends at the end of the day its good to talk and you will feel better for it :D

Sorry for the long message and hope it helps a little. :)

[Sthereo]

YIARjuYOaAY

[PandaPanic!]

Hmmm sorry all but its the old saying (and I know its a Cliché) but it does actually work and probably what everyone doesn't like hearing or being told. I know this from experience lol.

Time is a great healer and believe me its always hard but I know this is true and does work but in order to do that you need to draw a line under the matter. She has told you how she feels and obviously its not what you want to hear but at least you know the answer so it is easier to move on. If you can't still hold a friendship with her because of your feelings then as much as its hard to do you may need to cut all contact or just take a break from seeing her until you heal. Confidence is a big factor here as well and it doesnt help if you get knocked back so do things that will take your mind of it. Start a new hobby, hang with friends, arrange some places to go cinema etc with friends or sibblings basically anything that will keep you preoccupied.

In the circumstance that she is playing you and you feel like she is playing you for a fool then the best thing to do is cease all contact with her don't see her, phone her or speak to her via internet. Don't throw any pics away, at the end of the day they are memories and always good to look back at further down the road. The reason for this, its always a good confidence booster, its a good thing to look at and remember how you felt back then to how you feel when you get over them. Your strong and will get through it just takes time.

Good thing is to always chat to someone about how you feel. I know you guys don't really open up to people (ego thing lol) but it really does help. I'm an agony aunt for most of my male friends at the end of the day its good to talk and you will feel better for it :D

Sorry for the long message and hope it helps a little. :)

I absolutely agree with everything you have said Hazel, everyone goes through this in their life and yeah it is painful and will hurt and make you depressed / upset and soon enough you will get over the person and move on with your life although this takes time depending how emotionally attached you are to them.

[civilred1]

I don't think anyone can give you advice on how YOU can stop loving someone, I believe all you can do is find your own solution

[the_only_moggy]

I was in love a while ago (not the first time) and its been over a year since things went south and it still hurts sometimes and if I'm honest I probably still love her. Fact is, I don't think there is a 'way' to stop loving someone, that takes time is all, sucks but its the truth I've found.

What you probably should be putting your efforts into doing is making sure you don't get obsessed. Most hate usually comes from love gone bad, and obsessing over things not only don't help you get over it, but is usually very destructive for all involved. Best thing I've found is put as much distance between you in her (or him, the you here is anyone reading really) and let time do its thing. It gets easier, you find other people and things get better. I like to see it that the heart has a hole that another person fills, and when they leave that hole changes shape to that persons siloette, the edges heal but like a pearcing it stays open (bad metaphor, just go with it) and another person will come along and it starts again.

The problem I've always found is that different people deal with loss differently, and often these coping strategies cross each other. The girl I was talking about would phone me night after night after she broke up with me and I had to console her while she felt bad about it. Then I told her I needed space, and that upset her. Some people need to talk about it and stay friends, others need total seperation, you just find what works for you and go with it. after its over you don't owe them anything, so do whats best for you. But if you can change your love into something friendly that can be so rewarding.

Other than that all I can recomend is distraction (like so many others already have), I've always found sci-fi movies, video games :D, anything by Neil Gaiman can be the best distractions, something fantastical that you can loose yourself in, with as little focus on romance as you can find, a Rom-Com will not only make you feel sad, but can often give you false hope with their ludicrous hollywood endings. But thats just me, its about you. Oh but I would say Alcohol and other mind-altering substances don't work, plus most of them play on your current mental state so you'll probably feel worse. Havn't seen anyone suggest this, just a warning from personal experience.

Other than that its age old cliches that are unfortunately true; chin up, look forward, more fish in the sea, you always hate it to here it, but usually cos misery loves to perpetuate itself indefinately.

Even if it has to be electronic, your never alone, as the responses here show.

Peace

[M-47]

think ugly things about her like when you see her imagine seeing some fat girl coverd in shit and farting all the time and in time you will have no feelings for her it workd for me

[EstonianBeast]

:O Thats a weird way to forget a girl.

[M-47]

lol but it works

[black070]

I loved a girl, she didnt love me, she broke my heart and it will never be healed :(

[CraigyBL2]

I loved a girl, she didnt love me, she broke my heart and it will never be healed :(

That sounds quite poetic, obviously without any sort of rhyme. Anyways on a more serious note, love is easily moved past once you begin to forget the past and look at the potentiality in life.

[Transcendence]

That sounds quite poetic, obviously without any sort of rhyme. Anyways on a more serious note, love is easily moved past once you begin to forget the past and look at the potentiality in life.

Pfft, Virgin.

[PandaPanic!]

Pfft, Virgin.

At least he is an Anal Virgin, you on the other hand ... i am not so sure about.

[Transcendence]

Holy shit, i'm gay! How original.

Why is 'Anal Virgin' capitalized? Anal's not a noun and we're not speaking German - Nouns are capitalized in German by the way.

Does having a dildo shoved up your ass as count as losing your anal virginity?

[PandaPanic!]

Holy shit, i'm gay! How original.

Why is 'Anal Virgin' capitalized? Anal's not a noun and we're not speaking German - Nouns are capitalized in German by the way.

Does having a dildo shoved up your ass as count as losing your anal virginity?

I could be German for all you know, and also i like your question, but the same could be said for if a women shoves a dildo up their vagina?

[Chrisbes32]

Or if a man masturbates. ^^

[PandaPanic!]

Or if a man masturbates. ^^

I know but there is a big difference between impaling an object inside of you, technically you obviously are a virgin if you ain't having sexual intercourse with another person, but if a women was doing what i said earlier they are still popping their cherry, so either way if they was examined by a doctor or something they would say she ain't a virgin.

It's a topic with all different kind of factors which make up the final answer.

[the_only_moggy]

Seems a bit off topic, I honestly thought better of people on this forum than 'your gay' digs. The fact that I've had some good friends who were gay, and I find it insulting to them and the difficult life they sometimes have that you would use their sexual orientation as an insult, like it's a bad thing to be gay.

I guess since I may aswell chime in on the debate while I'm here, that you seperate it into medical and personal virginity, I think technically it refers to sexual intercourse, but the breaking of a hymen could also be considered as such, although I've known plenty of girls to loose this while horse riding. Also I've heard it referred to as people having 3 kinds of 'cherry' : Regular Sex, Anal, and Bestiality.

Oh and Transcendence, while I agree that "I loved a girl, she didnt love me, she broke my heart and it will never be healed" isn't really poetic, the virgin comment was unnecessary. I think W. S. Merwin, an American Poet, summed up loss far more poetically:

Separation

Your absense has gone through me
Like thread through a needle
Everything I do is stitched with its color

Now that's on topic :P

[Jaytech]

it all depends on where you think affection ends and love starts!